ruby_red_shoe

I bitch that I'm nearly finished this series of books that I'm reading and the next one doesn't come out till August and now I have to have a life and I don't know what to do with myself *hyperventilates*. Glad I've got you my x-box lover *strokes and hugs xbox* Who knows what I maybe have to do to fill THAT void I may have to seek company *shutters*

At the moment I'm kinda obsessed with reading other people's online diaries and journals. I find them comforting that we're not alone. These feelings that we have, when the world around us is crumbling are shared. Most people experience them.

Even when your little heart is breaking you'll go on, you'll walk alone because its the only choice that you have. It just interests me the way the people choose to live and the choices that they make within their lives. I have always thought of myself as an active observer, active because I talk a lot and express what I need to say, in whatever ways- music, art and writings.

Everything I have always wanted to do or to be has always been about observations. Writing, art, music, anthropology. I enjoy incites and epiphanies about the world that feel as though they give me an inside glimpse in what could have been.

Lately I have been writing a lot. More short scenes in stories rather than anything else, in desperate hope that maybe something will come to be and that I will randomly write a book. Maybe I will post something here if it will get read and I can work up the courage.

I've noticed however that there are always really common themes in my stories such as murder, mystery, alienation and holes. Sometimes I think I'm writing a character of who I want to be, rather than who I am. Therefore they lack any real flaws. Even though the strong traits that I consider important could be considered faults.

Such as emotional control, coldness and the ability to fuck people off when need be.

Obviously the complete opposite of who I am. I have always felt as though I was trapped with a wall in between who I am and who I appear to be. I consider myself endlessly patient, thoughtful, aware and able to make the tough choices as much as they will break me. To most I can appear impulsive, have a big sense of humour, thoughtless and strange. One of the biggest things that I find people misconstrue about me is that fact that I don't think. That is completely wrong. I over think. I think about things to the point where it has no point, so I just do.

I really want to break this wall down, but I find it difficult around new people. Obviously its a lot easier to be who I am around the people that I just click with. But with some this eludes me.

<a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?.mid=embed&amp;id=1156497"><img width="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFnBDNUhFX1gtM0JHZTZoV202X3BLS3cAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="the new victorian " height="400" border="0" /></a>
<a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?.mid=embed&amp;id=1156334"><img width="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFmNBQnp5ZDMtM0JHeTBCdzRjVEtMUEEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="40's?" height="400" border="0" /></a>

At around 1pm today I recieved a phone call from my friend hayden...I was very bored. So I kept a photo diary.






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Apparently according to Hayden I looked like a Swedish Prostitute and here I thought I was channeling agent 99!
Needless to say the meal was enjoyed by all prostitutes

Everyone has herd me whining about how much I just want to go back to new york and be a New York princess, with a pretty art decho shabby vintage styled apartment in the re-styled Ritz with views of Central Park.

I also imagine that I will eat petite danishes and won't put on a pound too...

In the meantime I manage to make up some fabulous dream outfits that are far too expensive for me to ever afford.....

Day to Day



Marc by Marc Jacobs Apple diamanté watch pendant, Claudio Orciani Belt, Wallis Black Long Button Gloves, See By Chloe Muslin blouse with pleats, Lanvin  Tiered tulle skirt, Chloe Paddington Handbag, Christian Louboutin Avedere patent lace-front boots

Inspiration Story: This outfit is very Victorian inspired in terms of the items. I like the way the pretty blouse and tulle skirt contrast with the equine riding inspired acessories, that are almost a bit fetish esque. I think the Marc Jacobs time piece brings it up to date. I imagine this is the kinda thing that Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl would wear.

Going Out

Betsey Johnson Dress, Tarina T. Barbie Earrings, Christian Loubontin Pumps

Inspiration Story
I picture this as my perfect going out out fit. Short, black, quirky and glitter...shall I go on?

Things I want and could possibly own


Patricia Field Cupcake Princess Dress,  Barbie by Patricia field  Hoop, Barbie By Patricia Field Croco Bowling Bag,  Barbie by Patricia Field Signature Necklace, Barbie by Patricia field Track Jacket, LK Bennett Metallic Peep-toe Pumps

Inspiration Story
Patricia Field + Barbie = love and its not that expensive either. If anyone got me anything from this range I would swear to love and honor it forever...oh and love you...I guess. I would wear all of this together, dancing around and clicking my heals!

Details of all the products here can be found on www.polyvore/rubyredshoe.

realist

Do you think
Do you feel?
Do you hope?
Do you love?
Are you listening with the middle instead of above?
And your cracked and your scared and your fading all to well
You were dropped just the way that you were made.

Cut a cross, cut a square and bleed it all out
Because this is all you are.
Touch your fingers here
And thats all that is.

And you sleep all day and smoke all night
You drink and posion everything that needs to die
Your afraid, you shiver, you shead
Just because this is all the you are

A nine to five.
A wish, a whimper that you keep on making
Driving isnt a possibilty and we all know that you can't fly
You missed your boat and instead your drowning
And I wonder what your going to do now.

Cut a cross, cut a circle
And bleed it all out
Looking for your salvation with no way out
Run around and around till you tire yourself out
Touch your fingers here
because that all that there ever was

And I bet you've become quite mute
You dont feel quite yourself.
Your` paranoia seeks while you despair
Desparatly waiting for a time that will never come

Cut a cross, cut a circle
And bleed it all out
Looking for your salvation with no way out
Run around and around till you tire yourself out
Touch your fingers here
because that all that there ever was


A few days ago I had a discussion about perspective compared to reality. According to this other individual your reality is your own perspective, whatever you have in your head is reality. I beg to differ.This person told me that they'd rather live in their own head space, not giving into life.

I used to be an optermist, but now I am not so sure. I don't believe in living in my own head space, with my own thoughts and experiences anymore. I'd prefer to know. I'd prefer to know all about the bad stuff, the econiomics and the situations that I am getting into.

I do not believe in love. I believe that the hardest thing to do is to be in this world and live in it. Live in the real, knowing what you need to do to survive it. I hold the opinon that the vast majority of the problems in this world steam from people who do not live in the real world, who live in a world in prepeptual disbelief that this is not happening.

I believe that only the ones with that facts know how to change it. I know that it stops people from taking great risks and doing all that needs to be done. This is why you fail. If you living in your prospective and dreams that all that it is. But if you make your thoughts into the real, well then thats what they are.

So you can go on with being a dreamer. With your wondering thoughts. But I think I prefer to be wide awake.
 

I have a problem. A problem that I have given much time and thought about. There is something that concerns me on the morning of Good Friday. Its something that concerns me about the media, the way we vote and our ways of life. It is what I call the "backpocket" effect. I feel that everything we do, all of our opinons are conceved on the idea of "What can I get out of it?", "What if I was me?", "I don’t want that to happen in my future" rather than the commuinty, the country and the world collectively.

We vote in the election for promises such as the baby bonus, first home buyers grant and our health benifets, while the education, health and the living standards of those around us continue to slip. The elderly, the indigounous, the homeless. What is in it for them? While prison inmates get a second chance at education. The education of basic health, living, literacy and numeracy skill of our aboriginal people goes unoticed. It is beyond a joke. It is swept under the suburbian rug. Nobody cares. Because it is not us, it is not happening in our family. Do we really need that extra $20 per week we are saving on tax cuts? Would you be willing to sacrafice so that everyone gets a  fair go?  Our homeless rates are surely a disgrace, they are treated like common criminals. I wonder how many of them have mental related illness? Surely out there on the street it is difficult to acecss the help needed in order to be treated for such a thing. Are they given the help that they need to get over substance abuses? To secure the accommodation and the devices needed for communication to be able to get a job? I did not hear that last election.Some may suggest that they need the first home buyer’s grand in order to secure that 4 bedroom home. But don’t you need to have the money in the first place to be able to purchase that home?

A big topic lately seems to be the environment. But why do people really care? Is it because we do not want our world to crumble and have an effect on us? Is it because we want to be able to take hour long showers again and drive our polluting cars around knowing full well that its okay because our government is taking the initiative to rest our little heads? Do we want it to be around for our families?I feel the only way that organisations and charities can get the message across is by asking and begging the question what happens if this happens to you or your child or your family or you friend? Should we even have to know someone or something or even wonder about what it would be like to care? .

And this type of topic does not even just apply to us. It applies to our government too. Do we not deserve to know the facts and figures, statistical information in order to come to the correct choice? It is absurd to think that we are in a war where we have no idea just how many people have died. The number of deaths civialian deaths in Iraq has been estimated from anywhere between 80,000 and 1.2 million. That is sure as a hell a big difference. The media often claim the IBC’s number 0f 80,000, but the IBC only count it if its been brought up twice in a media organisation, this is close to the US claim. One UK polling firm, Opinion Research Business  suggests it is close to 1.2 million, while ORB (2006 Lancet Medical Journal) which was right in estimating the causalities in Darfur and Kosovo estimate it as 650,000. So really we actually know jack. What are we going to do? Realise that is all pointless and just Vietnam part two and want to back out? OPPS!  I mean the papers and government cannot even tell us whether or not we will be in recession by the end of the year. What about our multimillion dollar sports stadiums, artwork for highways and the money given by the Victorian goverment for the Victorian AFL teams? Surely that could be put to better use.

I am not even denying that I,to, do this. But I think that one of the biggest problems today is that we do not think enough but the world around us and what is important when we are making major decessions. It doesn’t just go for thinking about our own country either. In this technical age every bit of information gets to us and affects us quicker than before, we are globalisation at its as of yet, highest ever peak. We are dominos. If the front falls we all go with it, directly and indirectly. I know we can’t solve everything, but we can try.

What is my suggestion of how to take part since I am the one ranting? When you make choices on the leader of the country and the policies of councils, stop asking what you want for yourself  and think about what you think is important for the country and community as a whole. If you have something that you feel wildly passionate about write a letter, join a political, group, apply the pressure to the government and the world to take notice. That is what makes the change happen.




Note:
I do realise that this rant is highly hypocritical of me. Who am I to tell you how to live your life? This is merely my opinion. If you would like I know how I myself am starting to endeavour to make a difference feel free to ask if you care.

I would like to start writing more about political, economical and social issues. Being informed is always the best start.

So today I thought about all the amazing things that are always forgotten, its like a little treasure being dug up from the sands of the depths of the ever expanding sea that we call pop culture. So I thought I'd add a few of these recent discovered  treasures:

The Mysterious Explorations of Jasper Morello:
The Mysterious Explorations of Jasper Morello is a short film (2005). This is a very gothic stylized film, glee for fans of Tim Burton's early shorts. The film was the work of director Anthony Lucas and writer Mark Shirrefs.

The short takes place in a world riddled with the plague, iron and steam, what I would like to imagine a stylized version of the industrial revolution. The story revolves around Jasper Morello, a disgraced airel navigator who takes off in order to redeem what seemingly is his past mistakes. His journey leads him into a mysterious island in which monsters reside.

The animation itself is actually amazing and not very typical for this period of time. Its filled with shadows and muted tones and most of the characterizations come from the dialog. What this film has, which other films similar to this type of style is also an amazing and compelling story. It also makes good use of stop motion animations, which gives a feel, raw emotion and textures that computer animation lacks.


If you enjoy this a similar film, "9" (2005) can also be viewed. "9" is the work of Shane Acker and follows a rag doll that steals the soles of his people. Again these are all viewable via you tube.

I woke up today  with the bright shiny sun in my eyes and in between my lovely clean white sheets, I felt fine but I couldn't drag myself out of bed. Then it hit me. I started to think about New York and the noisy noisy streets. How I would go to the corner and purchase a cheese and ham bagel and a raspberry and cranberry snapple. How the clumsy dense air smelt. How everything was bright and shiny.

I remember all of the adventures I went on and how many more that I wanted to go on. I was in love. The alienation of the city. The loneliness. The creative juices that I felt flowing through my little head and finger tips. No wonder so many people had written songs and stories about it. I remember the awesome girl in the beauty shop who gave us advice and went "mmm hmm" every time she  agreed to something we had said.  I miss it.

I feel like it maybe the pinnacle of my life already, I was so happy. But maybe there is more for me out there, I am just looking in all of the wrong places. 

So I pose this question, does anyone else feel as though they have already had the best time of their lives or that they are wasting away?